


The place where the lost things go

by RegallyWickedThirteen



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Family Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 08:24:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17556794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RegallyWickedThirteen/pseuds/RegallyWickedThirteen
Summary: OQ. It’s been a few years since Robin’s died. It’s still hard, but with a little help from her amazing children Regina learns about the place where the lost things go.Angst, Feels ahead.The major character death warning relates to Robin just in case anyone was wondering.





	The place where the lost things go

**Author's Note:**

> I haven’t written OQ in a while and this isn’t beta’d. All mistakes are my own. I do not own once upon a time. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

There is nothing more painful than losing the one you love. That’s a lie. Living without the one you love is the most painful thing in the world. There is a difference. Losing someone implies it’s a temporary situation, that maybe one day you’ll be reunited. Some people do believe that and honestly it’s in times like this Regina wishes she were religious. Wishes she could seek comfort in the idea of a heaven. Of a good place where people live out their dreams on a cloud in the sky. She’s lost too many people to believe though. Living without, is when you realise that you won’t see them again. Not in this world. That is the hardest thing. Especially when you have to be strong. 

Regina, thankfully, no longer believes that love is weakness. Or that having days where you just cry is a bad thing, or means you aren’t coping. Everyone has those days. Everyone needs those days. She no longer longs to cast revenge on the ones that have robbed her, although if she ever sees Hades again, someone better hold her back. However the world doesn’t stop turning when you want it to. You can’t pause time to take a deep breath. Life doesn’t work like that. 

In some ways so much has changed. 

She’s a Queen now, except this time one a good one, Robin would be so proud. She’d also expect he’d have had something to say about the title- insisting she’d always been a good queen in his eyes. Sap. It’s something that still amazes her-how he had seen her potential for good. She’d have found his indigant muttering adorable, and teased him mercilessly about it, but ultimately he would find ways to slip the title into conversations because he knew how much it meant to her to be recognised as someone who had changed. He’d have slipped a note to her somehow, he was always doing that. On the days where she’d had a big town council meeting it would be delivered with a bouquet of holly berries and pine. On days when she’d fallen out with Henry or Roland it was with a cup of tea and a hug. Her favourites were when it was for no reason at all- a simple I love you, Regina Mills, forever and always on the bottom of the grocery list. Or a snapchat video of Robin singing Your Song to her because it was her favourite song. It was also supposed to be their first dong song. Instead it was the song that his coffin was brought into. 

 

Henry is now no longer her little boy, he’s 28 (thanks to another curse) and has a family of his own. Regina had found adjusting really hard. Had shut herself away for far too long until Henry had come with the fairytale book and a photo album she’d “given” to Emma as part of her memories when they’d left for NYC and they’d sat, his head on her shoulders at the edge of her bed, reminiscing about everything. He’d grown up, but he’d always be her little prince and she’d always be the embarrassing mom. She refuses to be call grandma or nanna yet- she’s not that old. Robin would have loved being a grandpa. Would have grilled Ella, he’d had to know if she was good enough for Henry, but on seeing-as Regina had, how happy they both were together, would have welcomed them all into their seemingly ever growing family. He would have got a big armchair (a hideous ugly faux velvet one) and told outlandish stories to Lucy.

Roland is also now longer a little kid, and if Henry growing up due to the curse had been a shock then seeing Roland floored her. When the curse was broken he’d just turned 18 and it was his turn to be looking at colleges.. Regina was desperately trying to let him go, but god it was so hard. He still had his curls- that he tried to tame with gel and got annoyed when it didn’t work. His dimples and smile gave him a natural charm, just like his father’s had. He was so like his father, that some days it hurt to see him. She knew that was awful and would never tell him, but it was true. In those moments she also knew that it was for Roland, Henry and Robyn that she had to keep going. Taking one day at a time. 

Robyn had her father's heart, Zelena’s sarcasm, and her sharpness. It helped that Roni and Kelly had been friends in during the curse, at least she had memories of her growing up. Robyn and come out to her first- she wasn’t scared that Zelena would take it badly, it was just well Zelena had always a flair for the dramatic- which yes she had too- in abundance but she could dial it down when necessary- something Zelena struggled with. She was the person that Robyn came to when she needed some advice. They were family and Zelena had never minded (not that she would have a right to) the close bond they’d had. Robyn had always seen Regina as her second mom. Now she was dating Hook’s long lost daughter, Alice and thank god she’s not a pitiful pirate like her father. 

So in so many ways things have changed and for good. Life is good and she should be happy. She is happy, some days.

But other days. Other days she's grabbing his god awful green scarf she keeps under his pillow, inhaling that nowforesty smell (and yes even though it’s been three years she still only sleeps on her side of the bed in the hopes that one day she wakes up and he’ll be there). Some Days she has such vivid dreams that she truly believes he is there, can feel his stubble trace the freckles she insists she doesn’t have. The freckles he finds...found sexy. Then she wakes up and her world comes crashing down. He’s gone. 

Today is one of those days. One of those days when she’s acutely aware of how empty the house is. 

She should move- the kids are all grown up and she doesn’t need the mansion. She can’t- it’s their home. The living room was where they had they their first dance- the moonlight lighting the room, the temptations- my girl, filling the room, they were lost each other. The kitchen was where they’d baked cookies together as family. The garden- a site of many a popcorn. The hallway doorway with all their different heights on. The family room- which still has a mural of the jungle book Robin had painted, where they’d built forts, endured countless games of monopoly- no she did not cheat, and watched marvel movies with homemade popcorn. 

She could call Snow, lord knows she loves a good natter, but she’s also too intuitive for her own good and would give some hope speech about loss and Regina really can’t be dealing with that. 

Emma is another option, she only works half a day on Wednesdays, and she knows that Emma will understand, they’ve always understood each other, sometimes too well and Emma won’t push, not if Regina tells her not too. She’s just not really sure if she actually wants company. 

That’s a lie. She does want company. It’s just the one person she wants, isn’t there. 

Her misery and quandary is interrupted by a soft knock at the door. 

She wipes her tears and heads to the doo, opening it to reveal Henry. 

“Henry” she says surprised, he lives in seattle now- it’s where his family is, and he’s not due home for another two weeks- not that she’s been counting down the days. “Is everything ok. Oh god Ella, Lucy” 

Henry cuts her off, laughing slightly “Mom, they’re fine- having a girly weekend- I just wanted to come and see you. That’s ok isn’t it” 

Regina could cry again, this time with happiness, but settles for giving him a huge hug instead kissing him on his forehead before replying; “Oh Henry of course it is, you’re always welcome here,this is still your home. I just get carried away sometimes. Do you want some cocoa?” 

“I know mom, and sure cocoa sounds amazing,it was a long flight” 

“Coca it is then my little prince” she teases, heading toward the kitchen, “Shoes off” she shouts. 

“Some things never change, hey brother” maybe she’s still dreaming because that sounded suspiciously like Roland. 

Turning back around she is indeed greeted with her middle child, “Roland, my little knight. You’ve not quit college have you? I know you were struggling and I’ll support you whatever you decide, but I thought we agreed to give it to the end of the semester” 

The two brothers shared another look. She really needed to stop with the pessimism. “Sorry” she said sheepishly. 

“No worries, majesty, no I am actually enjoying this semester more, Henry messaged saying he was coming home this weekend and I don’t have assignments for a few weeks. Oh and I missed your lasagna” 

What happened to the cute little shy boy who couldn’t say boo to a goose, could she have him back because this confident slightly cocky young man was going to give her a heart attack one day soon. She’d be lying though if she hadn’t been trying to work out if she had the ingredients for a lasagne since Henry had walked through the door. 

She almost wasn’t surprised when Robyn turned climbed through the conservatory window. Almost. 

“Hi momma” she smiled. 

“Hi sweetie, remember that in this world we have a thing called a door, a marvellous invention which allows us to walk into a house” 

“Doors are boring momma” 

“You’re so like your papa sometimes” Regina muttered. 

“It’s why you love me” she replied. 

Kids. You have to love them, even when they give you lip. 

I love you all, but which one of you is going to tell me what is really going on because getting you altogether is harder than getting a Brexit deal through parliament. 

“Mom politics jokes aren’t funny” Henry whined, at the same time Roland said “Can’t we just spontaneously visit you” 

“You can always visit me, you all know that, but this isn’t just a we miss you mom, so please tell me because right now I’m listening out for Leroy’s voice screeching Curse again, and I don’t like it.”

“It’s not a curse, momma” Robin replied. She looked hesitant, “We’re all fine. Honest. We’re more worried about you. You’re here all alone and we know you miss him. So we thought maybe we could have a family day?” 

This time Regina doesn’t hold back the tears and lets herself be enveloped by a Mills- Locksley hug. It’s only then she realised how much she needed this, needed them. 

“Thank you for coming, you didn’t have to, but I really do appreciate it and a family day sounds amazing” 

This time it’s Henry that speaks “Mom, we’re family, supporting each other is what we do” 

Knowing that they all need a break, Roland suggests “park?” 

They walk around the park and Regina is thankful there’s not many people out today. They walk and they chat- about each other's lives, about the weather, then somehow it drifts- as it inevitably would to Robin. 

They end up at the old castle and sit on at the top of the slide, huddled together, the flimsy wooden frame offering little protection from the elements. 

“Dad loved the park and the forest, it always made him feel like home. I remember him always going for a walk around it every night when he first moved in with you mom. He used to ‘drag’ me around with him. I acted like I hated it, but he was smart and in those walks he always managed to help me things clearer” Henry said. Regina stretched and patted his shoulder, she knew that Robin had told her, but it was the first time Henry had told her himself. She was forever grateful that Henry had found a father figure in Robin. 

“He tried to teach me archery here. I was 5. Majesty wasn’t very impressed. Then he made you have ago- you have a good aim mama.” Regina laughed. That had been their first argument. She didn’t want Roland anywhere near a lethal weapon, Robin had rebutted I learnt at that age. It had ended after a few more terse words and Regina, reluctantly, agreeing, but only with a plastic toy set. Robin had grumbled, stupid fake contraptions, but agreed nonetheless 

Robyn is more melancholy “I wish I had known papa”. Regina hugs her tighter, she’s always shared stories of Robin with her but knows it isn’t the same. “He promised to bring you here, you know. He always talked about bringing you in a pram- how he would read you stories while he walked you around, when you were a little older he was going to bring you to feed the ducks.” 

“Really” Robin asked smiling. 

“Really” Regina replied.   
///

After a few minutes of quiet reflection they stood up and dusted off their clothes, there was one more place they needed to go. 

“Can we stop off at home first, there’s something I need to get” Henry asked. 

Regina was puzzled but agreed. “Sure” 

///

As soon as they entered the house, Henry dashed to his old room (after taking his shoes off of course). He came back down with Robin’s old satchel. He’d given it to Henry one christmas, possibly the first they’d spent together and he’d been thrilled. A satchel seemed so grown up to him, Robin and Regina had laughed at Henry’s old soul but were not so secretly glad he was so happy with a satchel. 

Roland returned with a feather, much like the ones that had once adorned his papas arrows. 

“He gave me this the day he died, looked me in the eyes and said: 

My boy let this feather be a symbol of love, and may it remind you that nothings gone forever, only out of place” 

It’s hard, living without papa, every day, but I live every day knowing he would be proud. Sometimes we need to look upon a star and trust he’s gazing down on us, watching as we grow, in the place where the lost things go. 

Robyn returned with an arrow, adorned with a simple red rose, much like the ones they’d lain on his coffin all those years ago, Henry kept one, she said answering the silent question. 

They were just leaving, when Regina paused,

“Wait I need to get something” 

Before she could overthink it she went to the bedroom and lifted the pillow, grabbing the scarf, and taking it down with her. It was time to let go

//

It was a short walk to the graveyard and they each took a minute to place their items down next to the headstone and held each others hand tight. 

Roland took out a tattered piece of paper from his pocket. He cleared his throat and Regina gave his hand a squeeze, giving him the courage to begin reading:

Do not stand at my grave and weep,   
I am not there.   
I do not sleep

I am a thousand winds that blow  
I am the diamond glints on snow  
I am the sunlight on ripened grain  
I am the gentle autumn rain

When you awake in the morning rush  
I am the swift uplifting rush   
Of quiet birds in circled flight  
I am the soft stars that shine at night

Do not stand at my grave and cry  
I am not there   
I did not die

///

Life is short. Time is precious. Death is merciless and unforgiving. Memories are what we must treasure until can go up into the sky and meet our loved ones in the place where the lost things go. 

END

**Author's Note:**

> a/n Thank you for reading! I feel like the gifts are a little underwhelming but then I know in my case it has been some of the little things that have meant the most to me so I hope that came through. 
> 
> The poem that Roland reads is one my cousins and I read at my grandmas funeral and is written by Mary Elizabeth Frye. 
> 
> Finally please, if you can, take time to review. It would mean a lot.


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